The hunt for Tarrant

dermot-oleary-charity-0101This morning started with the hunt for Chris Tarrant, after he was allegedly arrested for assault earlier in the month, fortunately I had another story to cover this afternoon, not that it will make anywhere, Dermot O’Leary, that Z list presenter from the X-Factor was at the Marsden Hospital, to launch a £15,000,000 appeal to build a new Children’s and Teenagers’ Cancer Centre.

1985 All over again

num-speeches-129Well not really like 1985 at all really, I was in my last year of college at the time and Arthur Scargill was sporting a shreadded wheat hair cut, whilst berating all and sundry that would listen to him. He also had his hands full with Margaret Thatcher (if that doesn’t put an un-wanted image in your mind, I have misjudged you).

Tonight at the Conway Hall, Red Lion Square, London Arthur Scargill, Ricky Tomlinson (better know for his role in the Royale Family, but also in his day a union activist that was jailed for two years as one of the two Shrewsbury Two, although he could be the Shrewsbury Two on his own).

nmi-arthur-scargill-012I was also surprised to spot in the audience an Actor from Shameless, one David Threlfell. More pics in the usual place. Click Here
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Poof Reader Please?

michael-jackson-ppuk001Whilst the newspapers are slashing their bugets because advertising revenues have fallen by 15%, they really should be increasing their spending, if in no other place than on Proof Readers. I was looking at the overnight stories this morning and read in the Telegraph about Michael Jackson flogging lots of tickets, some of the numbers are quite impressive, however, according to the Telegraphs reporter they don’t add up.

According to them Michael Jackson is going to be paid 50 million squid. But according to their maths:

A total of 30 shows are being planned, which, at the 22,000-capacity venue and at about £70 a ticket, will gross over £2m.

Not sure quite how they reach that figure, a bit of mental arithmetic got me to something like 46 Million Gross, about 1.5 million per show, not including any merchandising, food and drinks etc. Knowing what the fans of MJ are like I am sure that there will be a huge number of them wanting to munch on a “Michael Jackson’s Sausage™” Probably with a dollop of “MJ’s Own Chutney™” or “MJ’s Own Mayo™”

Anyway dodgy maths aside here is the link

Job Two, the Lovies!

olivier-awards-068Couldn’t get in to do the red carpet, as I had left it too late, but did do some of the arrivals, at least they will go in the library. Quite a few names turned up and they were all as good as gold. It is always nice to deal with proper professionals, even the snapper that was standing next to me for the most of the evening, started to be polite, and thank the celebrities for posing up for a photograph, something that I had never heard him do on previous jobs, in fact he wasn’t even doing it when I arrived.
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Two jobs in the diary today

_pb11183Two jobs in the diary for today, the first was the unveiling of a plaque to commemorate the drummer from The Who, Keith Moon.

The plaque was unveiled by The Who’s lead singer Roger Daltry and Keth Moon’s mum Kit.

There was an impressive number of Mods present, something like 80 or so mopeds, when I say mopeds I mean proper mopeds, Vespas, Lambrettas and the such like, not the poxy buzz boxes that city workers pilot inexpertly across town every day.

As usual burgy got there early, and got a reasonable space in the area allocated to press togs, by the time that the ceromony started there must have been something like 20 togs there.
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Bun Fight at the OK Coral

michael-jackson-ppuk001Fuck me, Michael Jackson fans are complete fucking lunatics. 40 Press photographers and Paps outside the Theatre Royal in Drury Lane and 500 screaming fucking lunatics behind us. In the melee one tog at least ended up with damaged equipment. Unlike Michael Jackson who is damaged equipment.

Anyway MJ was there to see Oliver, the stage version of Oliver Twist.

More to Follow….

As promised, the night started early, with a trip to the theatre, no hope of even a vaguely exclusive as one of the London Freeby newspapers had published the fact that he was going, so what should have been a simple job turned into the mother of all fuck-ups. Most of the security were as good as gold when it came to dealing with the pro-snappers, however the bitches (men) and slappers of the Michael Jackson, “we want to have your babies fan club” made it difficult for them.

I have been in the field with some hard-core “pop-culture” fanbois. but fuck the MJ crew are truly deluded. There were some daft blokes, that were upset, to the point of tears, that Michael wouldn’t even look in their direction. A quick point for you fellas, he likes them young, unless you have a box of lego, he aint interested.

michael-jackson-nmi003As for the women, there were several retards, screaming after the event, “it’s not fair” cos they didn’t see him, well you daft tarts, life is not fair, and again he wouldn’t be interested, unlike me, “if there’s grass on the wicket lets play cricket” he’s more “Hmmm, I can fuck once then if I turn you over I can pretend you are a five year old boy”

Anyway the Met Police turned up, as usual, with the wrong equipment, two rozzers on horse back and about 20 on foot. To police a section of footpath 10 feet by 20 feet. Scared the living shit out of the MJ fans, which was nice.

Anyway good fun was had by all, it was also nice to bump into some old friends, not quite so nice to have the sanctity of my jeans tested by some the shirt lifting MJ fanbois, but glad to say that my Hugo Boss Denims lasted the night, without a stain on their reputation.

michael-jackson-artyshit2Even managed an Independant style side lit shot of the Jacko, think my Quantum leads are going home, I can’t complain they are 6 years old at least.

The only surprising thing is that no-one seemed to mention, Michael Jackson, took his kids, to see a play about child abuse, I believe that whilst he was in the theatre he also met the cast, I can’t imagine that Rowan Atkinson was the one he was interested in meeting.

You Fat Bastard

I went to photograph Chubby Brown the other week. As soon as he came on stage I started shouting, “You fat bastard! You fat bastard!”

Then I was told by security that that sort of behaviour wasn’t tolerated from Press Photographers at the Labour Party Conference.

Talk about leaps of faith

big-tomBloody reporters on News24 and Sky don’t half talk bollox. After the shooting up of a cricket team bus in lahore some airhead claimned that the attacks were carried out by the same group as the Mumbai attack. The reasons for this assumption, according to one reporter,

” Well, there were a similar number invovled in the attack, 10 in Mumbai, and 14 in Lahore”

Not very similar then,

“they had AK47s”

Who fucking doesn’t every terrorist group use them, and countless non terrorists also own them, there are millions of them in the world.

“They were very well trained”

Hmmm, the BBC claimed the attack went on for 20 minutes, to only kill 7 people when armed with AK47s, Rocket Launchers and Hand Grenades, doesn’t strike me as particularly well trained.

“They wore flack jackets”

Hmmm Don’t recall the other lot wearing flack jackets

They had back packs

So did the 07/07 Bombers, ohh and the 21/07 failed bombers, and so was I today well that must make me a member of the same terrorist group then.

I am not saying that the two are unrelated, they could well be the same organisation but, if they are proved to be unconnected I bet neither the BBC or Sky apologise for getting it wrong.

Judge Facts not Guesses

bennet122mphWhat is it with judges/

As far as I am aware judges are employed to make judgements, based on facts, they are not employed to make headlines by speculating. Motorcyclist Robert Bennett was nicked for doing 122mph with his 14 year old son on the back.

Now 122 mph on a wet single lane carriageway, is bonkers, no two ways about it. But some retarded Judge decided rather than deal just with the facts of the matter that he would elaborate and added “Had you lost control, the motorcycle would have become a missile and it is certain there would have been a serious accident or highly probably the death of a least one other road user,” Err yeah, but he didn’t and that is the end of it.

Hot, damned Hot

tempgaugeHot, damned Hot, which is fine if you’re with a women, lousy when your laptop is melting your jeans.

One of the problems with the G4 Powerbooks is that by defualt they tend to run very hot, the default seems to be something like 60 Degrees C, and there is no control from within the operating system (well not from the GUI part anyway) so a quick bit of research and I found a peice of software called Temperature Monitor that gives the “live” temps from four different parts of the laptops casing, the Battery, the Processor, Power Supply and the hard disk.

All well a good, but there is no method of controlling the temperature that the fans will kick in at. So a bit more research and a piece of software called “ControlPBFan” (actually not so much software as a script, using the BSD Unix that runs behind OSX) and now I have my temp set to 50 degrees, which means that the casing of the laptop is cool enough to use perched on my lap, something that was uncomfortable before.

Hard Disks Aint all that…

harddiskHard Disks aint all that hard…..
Having replaced the hard disk in my laptop recently, I decided that I would dispose of it appropriately. I remember reading somewhere that taking a hammer to the drive should do the job. But that seemed a little agricultural. So I started to dismantle the outer casing and removed the hard disk platters, which I then though I would render useless by bending or breaking them. One thing that I didn’t expect was that they would shatter so spectacularly, something that I would recommend everyone try at least once. I have to say they are a little different from the Hard Disks that went in the old Olivetti Mainframe machines of yesteryear.