Labour to ban Farting in Public?

Since the banning of smoking in clubs and pubs has been such a sucess, the Labour Government are going to ban the passing of wind in enclosed spaces. OK they probably won’t but they certainly should consider it. In my local pub, since the smoking ban, the place has become almost unbearable.

Whereas a year ago I only had to put up with the smell of stale cigarette smoke and the occasional cigar smoker, now every-time that I enter the pub I have to contend with the smell of the great unwashed. Previously the slightly unpleasant smell of smokers disguised the rancid body odours of the chavs that live and drink in my town. Worse though, than the personal hygiene problems of the youth drinkers is the flatulence of others.

Whereas, I was only occasionally vaguely aware that someone had “passed wind”, if I walked close to ground zero. Now, however, the whole public house smells from bar to beer garden as though the majority of the clients had spent all of the previous two months eating mostly raw sewerage and elephants shit. Bring back smoking please….