Deluded Joe Public

Standing around yesterday, outside one of the entrances to the Waterfall Estate whilst looking out for Paul McCartney and the slapper that is Heather Mills with their child Bea, whose birthday it was.

Myself, a snapper from the Screws and a reporter are standing about discussing why navel fluff is always blue, or some other equally important item, when a daft bitch stops and winds down her window as says, “Why don’t you leave them alone, it’s Bea’s birthday”

To which she gets the stock reply:” it’s our job, our bosses tell to come here, so we come here”.

“Well you shouldn’t” Yeah so who’s going to pay my mortgage if I say to the picture desk “No I don’t want to sit outside Maccas house, because some woman thinks it’s wrong. After a few minutes of trying to tell us that we are wrong to do our jobs; a car that is waiting behind her gets impatient and sounds it’s horn, so does she drive off? does she bollox, she parks up to come and have a chat.

We re-iterate for the hard-of-understanding, it’s a job, we do what the boss says, the boss says go to Iraq, and we go to Iraq. Boss says go to Maccas country pile, we go. Unconvinced she continues that we shouldn’t stand outside Macca’s, to which, she is informed that if she is independently wealthy and doesn’t have to work that’s good for her, but we have mortgages to pay. At which point she proceeds to tell us that she sometimes cleans toilets for money.

Ohhh a revelation, I have seen the light, I don’t want to stand around outside Macca’s house, I will quit my job and when the bank manager calls next month, I will tell him that I have had an epiphany and don’t want to work anymore, because some stupid fat toilet cleaner told me.

Seem familiar to anyone out there, have you ever slowed down when you have seen a press pack standing on a street corner, ever wound the window down and shouted abuse and made hand gestures, trust me that really hurts our feelings, we can be laid low emotionally it really gets to us. Actually it doesn’t, it just confirms that the general population of the UK are retarded, hypocritical twats.

Most of the white van drivers that shout abuse, have a copy of a tabloid on the dashboard, they can hardly claim that they buy it for the news content, half the twats are barely able to read, and if they wanted news they wouldn’t buy The Sun.

The daft bint that stopped to lecture us knew it was Bea’s birthday, so unless she was a close friend of the family, unlikely, how did she know it was Bea’s birthday, yep you guessed it, she read it in a newspaper.

What is it that motivates a woman to launch into a verbal attack on a three unknown men loitering on a street, there must be something fundamentally wrong if you feel that strongly. I would suggest that if ever you feel this way don’t approach the press guys, we can’t help you, you need professional help of a different kind, may I suggest this link When you have finished your course of treatment then come and chat and explain how someone can be so deluded and hypocritical, actually don’t bother I have neither the time or the inclination..

When you see a group of press togs standing on a street corner, by all means come and chat, if you have something sensible to say we’ll listen, telling us to get a proper job is not sensible, it will lead to you being told to piss off or similar. Thinking that anything you say will change what we are doing is deluded, we answer to our bosses, not to the great unwashed.

This “getting a proper job” lark that white van man regularly alludes to, why would I want to work longer hours, for less money by doing the same job as you. So I think I shall give you one of our stock answers, “YES, I personally was responsible for the death of Diana, now piss off and die!”

White Van Man Rant Here


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