The week that was..

The week that saw John Prescott branded “Two Shags”, Alan Clarke’s incompetence revealed, and Chelsea confirmed as Premiership Champions, also saw Pete Doherty re-arrested for drug related offences. Ok seldom does a week go by without Doherty getting nicked for yet another transgression of the law. But this is most likely to be the one that gets him imprisoned. But Doherty’s inability to live life by the rules that most decent human beings abide by saw me spending most of Saturday at the Love Music Hate Racism gig in Trafalgar Square.

Probably not the place I would have chosen to spend 10 hours hanging around, especially when some of the bands were playing. However the audience seems to enjoy it. I still can’t get my head around some the Rap bands that were playing, they take someone-else’s well-written and performed music and shout over the top of it.

It strikes me as synonymous with the state of today’s society, the quest for fame (The Quest for Fame now available for the PS2 and Xbox – The triumph of chavishness over talent), there were a couple of exceptions, the Mentalists for one and a band who’s name escapes me, which looked like a group of former public school boys, playing loud rock music.

Anyway, Saturday was spent in the “Hunt for the Jerk” despite all the evidence that Pete Doherty was languishing in a Police cell in Stoke Newington being quizzed over the pictures published in The Sun on Friday, of him apparently injecting an unconscious girl with heroin (so that’s what smack my bitch up means), then doing the same to himself.

Arrival at Trafalgar Square far to early (around 0930hrs) to find the sound stage still being constructed, meant that breakfast was the first order of the day, so Full English was on the cards, however for £4.95 I at least expected some kind of real estate for my sausage, bacon, eggs and beans, maybe a plate the size of Bournemouth. Having been spoilt at the Chelsea Bun, earlier in the week with a plateful for £3.40, the breakfast was a little disappointing.

The gig was due to start about mid-day, so a quick chat with the Press Liaison revealed that the didn’t have a running order for the press (or for the audience). I guess to try and keep all the audience there for the whole day, rather than just arriving for the Babyshambles and then legging it. Eventually we tied them down to Pete Doherty and Babyshambles being on stage sometime between 1600 and 1800hrs.

As expected Pete was a no-show. I did do some pics but I must confess to not wiring any to the paper. It was a shame because I was hoping to use the Canon WFT-E1 and the PDA and Phojo for the first time in anger.

Anyway if you get a chance check out the Mentalists, if for no other reason, a group of talented birds are always worth an oggle!

The deputy prime minister John Prescott is in hot water over his shag fest with blonde diary secretary Tracey Temple (sounds like a Marvel Comic character). Two Jags, Two Jabs, Two Shags Prezzer came out with the line “It ended some time ago. I have discussed this fully with my wife Pauline who is devastated by the news.”

I do not know how many newspaper readers took this at face value, but I can probably clarify what actually happened. Prezzer did not openly and willingly explain to his wife that he had been shagging his secretary. He was confronted by a journalist, who told him that they had proof and will be running the story in tomorrows paper, and did he have anything to say. He then went and told his wife, before the bad news was delivered at the breakfast table by one of the tabloids.

The only really worrying thing is that with my divorce going through, Prezzer is actually getting more action than I am. What is that they see in him? he cannot speak English (coherrently), he has the manners and the grace of a pig and according to several women that I have spoken to he is a fat ugly c*nt (Ok they didnt say c*nt).

So it would appear that being a politician is good for getting laid by attractive women that are years younger than you. So I am standing for election at the next polls, so if any nubile 18 year old women, that have a background in gymnastics or modelling wish to apply early for the job of being my sexcretary, I shall be holding interviews over the next few weeks.

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