New Website

As some of you will know I enjoy fucking about with HTML and PHP, so this week I started work on the website that belongs to my local club, design-wise it is about there, but I still need to do some database stuff for the gigs, football matches, snooker matches fixtures and results, but that will require actually learning something, so I am in no rush. If you want a look, it is Here. Your thoughts as usual appreciated. As well as the web deisgn, I am as you may have guessed doing the photographs.

Go Murray….

Go Murray… Yep piss off back to Scotland, you English hating twat. All the “old biddies” that followed you to Wimbledon can piss off back too. It is not often that someone being beaten at Wimbledon makes me happy, but I would like to have seen you physically beaten, you moronic, personality free zone. You even managed to make Nigel Mansell seem too exuberant and over the top.

Ohh and Take Gordon Brown, Jack Straw, Alastair Darling and the rest of the shower from the Houses of Parliament with you.

ID Cards U Turn

Alan Johnson, the Home Secretary has backed down over the compulsory introduction of ID cards. Mr Johnson said: “Holding an identity card should be a personal choice for British citizens – just as it is now to obtain a passport.

“Accordingly I want the introduction of identity cards for all British citizens to be voluntary and I have therefore decided that identity cards issued to airside workers, planned initially at Manchester and London City airports later this year, should also be voluntary.”

Amusingly on BBC 4 it was reported that Alan Johnson wanted to scrap the ID card scheme. However the Prime Minister wouldn’t let him. About time we got rid of this shower of cheating, lying, oxygen stealing fucking twats from power.

World Wide Exclusive

Exclusive pics of Michael Jackson’s body leaving the Los Angeles Morgue, dispite the place being on lockdown to remove the posibility of photographs getting out of MJ’s body, we have managed to secure, these exlusive images.

Michael Jackson Jokes

There have been quite a few jokes about MJ since his death, most of them seem to be recycled old jokes, but there have been a few very funny jokes.

Upon hearing the news of Michael Jackson’s death, mourning fans released a white dove in his honour. Well, it was actually a blackbird, but with a rare skin condition…

Apparently Gary Glitter has offered to take on some of Michael Jacksons dates in August, specifically Jaydon (13) Keith (11) and Roydan (9) with the option on several others.

Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, in their own different ways, helped young boys masturbate for years!

Jackson invented Moonwalk?

Just in case anyone thinks that Whacko Jacko invented the moonwalk, the Manakin Bird got there first, probably followed by Marcel Marceau, James Brown did something similar in The Blues Brothers and Jeffrey Daniel performed a variation of the moonwalk in Shalamar’s “A Night To Remember” on Top of the Pops in 1982, at least a year before Whacko Jacko. Enjoy the video clip. It is very funny.

V Funny Jacko Posts

Over on the Daily Mail Website, there are some wags, there are a couple of very funny posts about Michael Jackson’s death. Well I think that the are amusing.
Click Here

I’m very sad, his music was great. When I was younger, he touched me in so many special ways.
- Bubbles, Los Angeles, 26/6/2009 12:38

So very sad. The most important thing the effect his music has, he touched me deep inside when I was very young. RIP.
- Bobbie, Wetwang England, 26/6/2009 12:36

OK that is enough now, I am bored with this constant reporting of his death, it has been none stop since about 2300hrs yesterday. There are even reporters claiming that it will effect Glastonbury, what bollox, he was not expected to perform there!

Whacko Whacks It

Whacko Jacko finds the easy way out from doing 50 tour dates at the O2 arena, rather than give it large on stage, he wimps out by dying. Ta Ta Michael, I was a big fan of your music, if only you hadn’t gone mental, you might have still been with us.

There have already been a few funny jokes circulating.

Muddy Shite

Radio 4 Weather Man CorpsesRadio Four Weather Reporter gets his Wucking Mords Fuddled. Well it made me chuckle anyway.

Yet More Scare-mongering

He Swears a Little Bit

Yet more scare-mongering and even more jobs for the boys. When the Government should be thinking very carefully about how and where it spends it’s money, it is clear that the bunch of jock twats, faggots and wankers in Government are completely out of touch with reality.

According to Security Minister, Lord West:

TWAT

Britvic, the fizzy drinks maker of Tango, has got itself in trouble with their latest marketing campaign. They have recently launched Tango With Added Tango. Which is bound to get a few backs up amongst the bleeding heart liberals and do gooding sections of society.

Me? I find it hilarious.

Ban Hoodies Now

It is not often that I find myself agreeing with a small frog, but I have to say that Sarkozy is right to want the Burka banned from the streets of France. If only our prick, president, prime minister would grow a pair and do the same.

West Mercia Police…No Crimes

West Mercia Police must have no crimes to clear up, or indeed any on-going crimes taking place. Congratulations to West Mercia, they are the only force in the country that must have nothing to do. Otherwise why would they bother a) downloading a video of a couple of teenagers pratting about with a broken go-kart? b) launch an appeal to find out who the teenagers are? c) Involve news organisations in the search?

What does make make me chuckle though is the Sky News reporting of the “incident”.

The video shows youths riding the broken kart, which had no rear wheels, along a country lane.

It was dragged by a car along the narrow road at speeds of up to 40mph attached by no more than a thin piece of rope.

So how exactly would they prefer the kart was attached to the car, a steel hawser? a synthetic braided rope? Maybe some fishingline?

A second youth, who wears a racing helmet, then takes his place for another ride. Police are appealing for anyone with information on those involved in the stunt to contact Shropshire police on 0300 333 3000 or Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

Ohh and Shropshire Police doesn’t exist, and hasn’t done since it was merged with several other forces in 1967.

Joe Cole’s Wedding

Haven’t updated the blog recently, because I have mainly been busy re-writing the News Media Images Website and Blog. I haven’t either finished yet, but yesterday I was at Joe Cole’s Wedding in Chelsea. The story is that he had sold the pictures to Hello magazine, for a small fortune, however judging by the number of celebs that were present, I think he will be lucky to get paid anything.

The photograph is of Kara Toynton, the only other guests that I recognised were Michael Carrick and John Terry

It’s is official, Doherty is a Knob

The twat that is Pete Doherty has compared the paparazzi to concentration camp guards.

The 30-year-old rocker, who last week pleaded guilty to drink driving and possessing class A drugs, told BBC current affairs programme Panorama the press pack should take responsibility for their actions.

He said: “Even the people that were shovelling bodies into gas chambers would say ‘we’re just obeying orders’… you’ve got to accept responsibility for what you’re doing.”

He went on: “If your actions as an individual are directly having a negative effect on someone else’s life then you can’t say ‘I’m just doing my job’.”

Pete, who once posted videos of himself and pal Amy Winehouse on YouTube, said the photographers’ pursuit of her was “dark, twisted, ugly”.

So what does that make the retard?, he who has been convicted of numerous drug offences, and driving whilst unfit offences, this twat is too thick to be allowed to procreate. probably the strongest argument for termination at birth (if not conception).
Click here for source

Stupid F******g Reporters

Some reporters are complete retards, outside the Old Bailey today after the sentencing of the animals that murdered Ben Kinsella (in case you hadn’t heard, the brother of Brook Kinsella) a Sky Reporter questioned the surviving family members about how they felt, usual kinda shit, “what did you think of the judge’s comments?” etc and then the “biggy”: “How long will you remember your son?” What is it with these fucktards?

Don’t believe that anyone can be so stupid, see the video, I can’t believe that Sky News have repeated the broadcast of such a stupid question.

Click here for video

‘Kin Doherty at it again..

Pete Doherty has been charged with being drunk at the wheel while in possession of Class A drugs following a gig on Wednesday. Hopefully he will get and serve a long sentence this time.

Foot Loose and…..

Paul Burgman 7 June 2009. Hamilton Avenue, Cobham, Surrey . Police at the scene where a severed foot was found in a wheeley bin Paul Burgman 075 88 66 9580

A tip off this morning that a human foot had been found in a wheeley bin and that Surrey Police were investigating. So a quick trip to Cobham. No exciting pics, just the usual scene of crime stuff. But job, jobbed and all that.

A quick update, the initial reports were of a severed foot, however, later reports confirm that it is the body of a woman that was found in the bin. A quick glance at the Sky News website shows that they really have their finger on the pulse

A neighbour, who did not wish to be named, said: “I saw police there yesterday and then just read about it on the internet.
“I don’t know who lived there, it’s all a bit odd. There are police here again this morning, but I don’t know what they are doing.
“I think the house may be up for sale, but I could be wrong.”

I like foreign jobs, especially for pretty girls

I like foreign jobs, especially if it involves photographing pretty girls. The last couple of days have been a bit of a blur.

I received a phone call on Thursday morning asking if I fancied Turkey. Hmmmm, with all the trimmings, I gave the obvious answer and within 20 minutes I was heading for Gatwick Airport and a quEasyJet flight to Bodrum, Turkey. Changed up a few squids for Lira’s, and later regretted not getting Euros, or keeping sterling.

Damned and Blast

You will see in a couple of days a new post for a job I did last week for the Star on Sunday in Turkey. Unfortunately, during that trip my Powerbook (an old G4 1Ghz Aluminium) took a bit of a tumble whilst waiting for an internal flight from Bodrum to Istanbul. Net result was that the machine would not reboot. Fortunately I had wired all of the images that I needed to from the hotel before I left.

Anyway on arrival home, I replaced various bits, swapped hard disks, memory and the such, but concluded that it must be the logic board. Damned expensive to replace, something like £500+. A quick trip to my preferred repair agents, called Backstage Services in Esher Click Here for their website, to drop the laptop off for repair on Monday morning. Monday lunch they confirmed my worst fears, but they could get an exchange logic board, supply and fit for £328.00 all inclusive. Even though it is a six year old laptop, I figured it was worth it, as a new one would be in excess of £1300, plus I would still need to recover all the images from the old hard disk.

They promised the part would be delivered Tuesday and installed ASAP.

Once again they delivered superb service and incredibly quickly as well, kudos to Backstage.