I was finkin’

Earlier today I was standing around having a cigarette in the freezing cold, and wasn’t sure whether it was me exhaling smoke or if it was simply my breath condensing in the cold air. Whilst I was pondering this, it struck me that having enjoyed a particularly fine curry last night, maybe when I was walking down the road, happily farting, because there was no-one around, that I was leaving a vapour trail behind me? Me, doing an impression of the Red Arrows, all I need is another eight of us and we can do an “Air” Display!!!

Any hoo, sorry for not posting recently, things have been fairly manic, but for all the wrong reasons.

Have a good Christmas everyone.

Want to be Police

A colleague posted this, so I can’t take credit for it, but I am thinking that maybe I wanna be a Police so that I can do my bit for the community.

So it is here, at last

The Canon EOS1D mk iv has arrived, or at least the press release has. Whilst there seems to be some things worthy of praise, (assuming that it works as advertised) firstly the new high ISO settings, enabling native shooting up to 12,800 and expanded shooting all the way to an impressive 102,400ISO.

I like the AF revisions and the new preview screen technology, but why-oh-why are they persisting with one CF Card slot and one SD slot, please lets have a pair of either CF or SD cards.

Katie Price up for Mum of the Year

He's a little bit angry

How the fuck does this work, are the public truly as retarded as Katie Price? According to the Daily Mirror, Thick as Pig Shit Mum of none (it seems by the way she treats them) is up for an award as the celebrity mum of the year. She has been nominated by the Public. Who the fuck has nominated her, come on, own up? If you nominated her post a reply here. I will tear you a new fucking arsehole!!

This gash hag that cares more about herself than her kids,so much so, that she fucks off for weeks, leaving her kids with her ex-hubby, and thinks that being good mum is fucking some cross-dressing retard and consuming enough alcohol to sink an oil tanker, whilst ignoring the emotional needs of her sprogs.

I always thought that this country was Fucked up. now I know it is……

118 Stone Vegetable

I was watching the news a little earlier and was gobsmacked to hear (or rather mishear) a story on sky news. The Story, I thought, was about an American, who had reached 118 stone, and 5 foot 4 inches tall. So what was new, that is about the average size for an American isn’t it? a bit harsh calling him a vegetable though.

Even on the repeat of the story I was still not really paying attention, but I saw the video footage, and at the first glance, the pumpkin did actually look like a fat bastard lying down, it wasn’t until the third repeat that I realised my mistake.

Anyway I was wrong, Americans are considerably bigger than that

Wot No Footy?

So where was I Saturday when I should have been thinking about doing a footy match? I was at Fontwell, photographing a friend that has a band. The Levellers were on Stage for a charity day….Nice. They put on a great gig, as you’d expect I was up front and personal with the band, more photographs will follow.

You Fat Bastard

I went to photograph Chubby Brown the other day. As soon as he came on stage I started shouting, “You fat bastard! You fat bastard!”

Then I was told by security that that sort of behaviour wasn’t tolerated from Press Photographers at the Labour Party Conference.

This amused me, a little…

He's a little bit angry

THIS IS LABOUR GOVERNMENT

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

————————————————————————

LABOUR GOVERNMENT THE UK VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Sheeit, someone turn the lights on

Bloody Hell, I had forgotten how bad football lighting can be, I used to do premiership and championship matches, and they were bad enough, last nigh I did AFC Wimbledon versus Crawley Town, and as it was a 7.45 kick off it was dark, however they didn’t turn the lights on until about 7.15, so at kick off they hadn’t reached their maximum brightness. The first half I was shooting at 3200ISO 1/200sec wide open. By the end of the second half it was 1/500 sec wide open.

The worst match (for lighting) that I ever covered was a while back. The Kingstonians went on a bit of a FA cup run, so I was sent there. From memory I was shooting at 1600ISO, on a 200mm F1.8 wide open and still only getting 1/125 second in the corners and 1/30sec in the middle of the pitch.

£5,000, how about 2 years inside..

How the hell can this be right? The Baroness Scotland, one of the most senior lawyers in the UK and Attorney General has been fined £5000 for illegally employing a Tongan Housekeeper.

She was fined a trivial amount, when she could have been jailed and had a unlimited fine. Apparently the Border Agency decided that she had a technical breach of the law. They claim that “her inadvertent error” was that she failed to keep photocopies of her housekeepers documents.

So employing illegal immigrants is not illegal if you are linked with this government, How fucking wrong is this, SHE employed an illegal immigrant, she paid the illegal immigrant, and the only thing that she did wrong was to not keep records that she had employed an illegal immigrant. One rule for the ruling classes, and fuck the rest of us.

Typically the One Eyed Jock Twat has come straight out and said there should be no further action against a criminal Attorney General. Wankers!

And another thing, Radio 4 today claimed that she had been criticised by the UK Border Agency, is that the same as when I was criticised by Surrey Police for Speeding and given 3 points?

Jungle Camp Shut Down

He's a little bit angry

So the French have decided to act on the “new Sangat” camp near Calais. Unsurprising, in today’s climate, the Frogs spent several days announcing it to the media, and being filmed doing reconnaisance work, so that when they went in today (allegedly armed with flame-throwers) Surprise, Surprise there were none of the thieving, cheating, lying illegal wankers left there. Well they arrested 278, including 132 sprogs. So where are the other 1300 or so that must have walked out of the area in the last few days. And of course the retards that campaign for the rights of illegals were out protesting, if these twats love these immigrants so much, why don’t they fuck off and live with them in Afghanistan, Iraq or wherever.

The British government have got to act soon on the problem with illegals. I personally think that they should have a jet on standby at Dover, and the wankers that make it through the tunnel or over the channel get thrown straight on to a jet and flown straight back to their originating country, preferably without landing, preferably without parachutes.

Climate Change? Bollox!

He's a little bit angry

The dozy bastards at Sky News are (along with Ed Milliband) are asking you, the great unwashed to contribute and idea for an advert to persuade the great unwashed to change their attitude to climate change.

I have a few problems with this:

First Sky are taking the Global Warming/Climate Change bollox as fact, surely in the name of independent news reporting, they should also offer a platform for those that believe Climate Change is absolute bollocks.

One of the main judges an Ed Milliband MP, flew out to South Africa and according to the Government’s “Act On” website “Ed Miliband spent two hours with South African Environment Minister, Buyelwa Sonjica.”

Two fucking hours, a 12,000 mile round trip almost certainly on a plane full of journalists and photographer, rather than a commercial flight, on an aircraft which according to the climate change lot is the worst producer of green-house gases. HOW FUCKING WRONG IS THAT PICTURE?

Another Quiet Week

ADEMENO scores for Crawley

A quiet week this week, so the boredom was only broken covering Crawley Town versus Kettering Town, some nice pics, two of the three goals done.

Is it me?

Is it just me, or does anyone else think that the Elton John story (about him being refused permission to adopt) and a story about the reviewing of the CRB checks for adults that have access to children appearing right next to each other on the Daily Star RSS feed, is unlikely to be a coincidence.

Not sure why, but…

Ziggy played Guitar

This photograph from yesterdays match put me in mind of a David Bowie track.

Ziggy played guitar, jammin’ good with Weird and Gilly,
The spiders from Mars, he played it left hand
But made it too far
Became the special man, then we were Ziggy’s band

Football Again

Jai Reason has his shot blocked

This saturday was spent doing my favourite sort of press work, albeit in the lowly conference league, today I was at AFC Wimbledon versus Cambridge United. It ended as a nil-nil draw, but wasn’t a bad match to watch.

That’s even betterer…..

Upgraded the memory in my “new” Mackbook Pro last week, up to the maximum it can handle, (3GB) and the thing absolutely flies, Photoshop CS4 opens in a couple of seconds, transfering images from PhotoMechanic to PSCS4 takes less than a second. RAW files transfer in about a second, so it is substantially quicker than the old G4 Powerbook.

Tomorrow it will get tested in anger, as I am covering AFC Wimbledon versus Cambridge United, so will will see how it stands up.

I did temporarily upgrade to OSX 10.6 but for some reason the 3G modem is not supported so it is impossible to wire, if anyone has any workarounds for the HUAWEI 3G USB dongle (on the 3 network) I’d be pleased to hear from you.

One Eyed Jock Twat…

He's a little bit angry

The Fucking arshole that is Gordon (swivel jaw) Brown was widely reported today, as he takes to the lectern at the Internation Institute for Scientific Studies, as being due to say

“Each time I ask myself if we are doing the right thing by being in Afghanistan and if we can justify sending our young men and women to fight for this cause, my answer has always been yes.”

I only have one thing to say, you fucking Jock moron, ASK SOMEONE ELSE THEN, there is some 50 million of us that want to give you our opinion. Call an Election Now.

Blimey, that’s better

My old G4 Powerbook really is on it’s last legs, So I have been hunting for a replacement, but couldn’t justify spending the best part of 2 grand on a new MacBook Pro.

So a few days watching ebay and I saw a few likely candidates, but they went for silly money. However a search of Gumtree and I found a MacBook Pro, 2.33ghz, Intel Core 2 Duo machine, with 2GB RAM, 320GB Hard disk in near mint condition with box and original disks and paperwork, in fact the remote control had never even been taken out of the box. All for £650, a quick haggle and £600 notes change hands, Deal Done!

I have spent the last day or so installing all of the software that I require, and I am gobsmacked at the difference in performance, I probably shouldn’t be too surprised, my old G4 1Ghz Powerbook is at least 6 years old, and whilst it has been upgraded in terms of memory and hard disk space, the processor was the weak link.

Forgot how much effort it takes

It has been a few years since I last covered any kind of football, and then it was Premiership or Championship matches, this weekend saw me at a conference game, specifically Crawley Town versus Gateshead. On the basis of recent form I decided to follow the Home Team attacking, but they ultimately ran out 1-4 loosers. D’Oh.

Good fun though.